If you don’t have a Mom Tribe yet, it’s time to get one!
If you are asking yourself right now why having a core group of mom friends called a Mom Tribe is so important, you should read Why You Need A Mom Tribe before you read this.
It is essential to you well-being to find your perfect Mom Tribe!
In order to find your perfect Mom Tribe you need to get out there and physically find them.
Of course you have the option of searching online for friends and while utilizing Facebook, Instagram or other social media platforms can help, this doesn’t fulfill all the essential needs that a physically present Mom Tribe can give you.
WHERE TO FIND YOUR MOM TRIBE
Let’s start with how social media can be a launching ground for knowing where to go to find your Mom Tribe.
SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS
We all know we can make friends on FB and IG, but we are also well aware of how easy it is to lose friends or taint our thoughts about friends and family on these platforms too.
FB and IG can be used more later for maintaining contact with your Mom Tribe that you developed. We both know we will not be able to physically get together with these friends all the time.
Life happens, kids have activities, we have husbands, and other responsibilities. When we were single with no kids we had the freedom to get together with our friends pretty much whenever and wherever we wanted.
Our lives are SO different now and it’s a lot more difficult to coordinate all of the schedules.
Read: Mom Tribe Playdate Ideas.
HOW TO USE FACEBOOK TO FIND MOM FRIENDS
Go to Facebook and search “Moms of (your town name)“ or search other keywords like “Mom Group”, “Running Moms” or other words that would describe the type of moms you might enjoy and be able to connect well with.
The bigger the town you search in the more results you get. If you want moms that live in your same small town, search that name to see if it exists. If it doesn’t consider starting your own.
Sift through all of the results and choose a few you want to know more about. Sometimes you have to answer some questions to join the group and other times you can just “Like and Follow” the page.
After joining the ones that interest you be sure to go through some of the recent posts and “Like” and comment on a few of them. Once you engage some in the group then the FB algorithm will notice you care about that group and you will get more notifications when things are posted in that group.
Check out the women that are there, post a question, check their events page to see if they have anything coming up where you can meet some of them in person.
HOW TO USE INSTAGRAM TO FIND MOM FRIENDS
With Instagram you want to start commenting and “hearting” on other mom feeds and profiles. Search for people or different descriptions of women you are looking for.
Check out their bios to see if they have similar interests. This is not as easy to search and find groups as FB is, but it can help especially if you don’t have FB.
If other moms are using # (hashtags) in their posts, you will be able to search keywords and have those come up. Try #momlife #momtribe #momsin(enter your town), etc. You can also search by location.
These are both great ways to find other women you might click with in your area before meeting up in person or just showing up at any random playground and hoping for the best.
PHYSICAL LOCATIONS TO FIND MOM FRIENDS
A LOCAL PARK
Every town has parks. Take your kids to the park mid-morning or mid-afternoon.
Let your kids help you find your Mom Tribe for you, in a sense. Watch your kids play at the park. Do other kids come up to them? Do they start playing together?
Slowly look around and see who the mom is and make your way over there to say Hi.
What do you say? First, start off with a compliment about her or her kids. That’s always a great way to start.
If you are nervous about knowing what to talk about check out this FREE download that contains 15 Conversations Starters to help you when you are first getting to know a new mom friend.
THE CHILDREN’S MUSEUM OR LOCAL LIBRARY
Most towns have a children’s museum nearby or at least a library that has scheduled story times or other play activities. Find one in your area and start spending time there, see what other moms show up as often as you and begin striking up conversations.
As you get to know these moms start inviting them to other playdates. Don’t be afraid to be too forward and ask to exchange numbers or FB & IG names so you can keep in touch and plan another get together.
If you aren’t comfortable asking for that information right away ask her if she plans to be there next week or invite her to another event you know that’s coming up. If she shows up you know she really liked you too.
For some new mom friend playdate ideas check out Mom Tribe Playdate Ideas.
There are some great conversations that can develop when two or three moms get a chance to chat while their kids are busy playing. There will be times you meet a mom and you are ready to get together again later that week because your kids just hit it off and you really like her.
Feels a bit like dating all over again, doesn’t it? LOL!
MOPS OR OTHER MOM GROUPS
If you have younger kids, 5 and under, MOPS is an amazing group to be a part of. MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers and most towns have a few of these groups that meet up weekly or bi-weekly.
MOPS is a faith-based organization and typically they have moms of all ages there because some of the older moms become mentor moms. There is usually a devotional, food, a speaker, a craft, and time to just connect with one another while the kids are in nursery and classes of their own.
It is an absolute amazing group of women! Find a group near you and start connecting and building your Mom Tribe!
HOW TO CONNECT AND CHOOSE YOUR MOM TRIBE
So now you’ve looked for moms in multiple places and you may still want to find more depending on the size of the Mom Tribe that is comfortable to you. Once you find a few moms, start to get to know them better.
Plan more playdates. Plan a Mom’s Night Out.
You will want to look for moms that you truly connect with on a deeper level and ones that you feel you are both giving and taking in that relationship.
If she talks all the time, interrupts your sentences and doesn’t let you finish or seems to just complain and whine about everything, it’s not an even relationship and you will get tired of it really fast.
That mom might be someone you are there for here and there, but she isn’t your Tribe.
Your Mom Tribe is a small group of women that you know you can get along with for a very long time. Your Mom Tribe is that group of women that just “get you.” They forgive you when you say too much while venting. They don’t hold anything against you and secrets are safe with them. They encourage you.
They are REAL with you and say exactly what you know you need to hear even if you don’t want to hear it. They love you enough to show tough love and save you from yourself at times. They are there for you at 5:30am or 11pm by phone, text or whatever other social media venue you have together.
Another key element of a mom that is definitely a part of your Mom Tribe ~
Use this guide as you begin your search for your true mom friends. You won’t find them in a day or even a week (at least most of us won’t).
You may have some come and go over a few months, but the effort and wait is worth it!
How To Connect More With Your New Mom Friends
LISTEN MORE THAN YOU SPEAK
You know the old sayings, right?
God gave us two ears and one mouth so we should listen twice as much as we should talk.
God gave us mouths that close and ears that stay open, that should tell us something, right?
Please, don’t be that person!
Talk a little about yourself, but make sure you don’t take over the entire conversation. Ask questions of the other person even if it means not completely finishing your own thought. You already know if you are a person who tends to be long winded. If you don’t know, just ask your husband.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I believe we all have that one friend that no matter how hard you try you always feel like you are talking about yourself. I have this friend. She is a part of my Mom Tribe. She loves to ask questions and even when I finally get the conversation turned so that we are talking about her, somehow she is able to put it right back in my court and I’m feel like I’m just talking her ear off.
I am thankful she loves me so much, but I am also keenly aware of being sure that I am sending her a text or email or something to say Hi and attempt to make sure I’m asking her about her too.
Be aware and intent on listening well when your new mom friend (or even old mom friend) is talking to you. Truly listen. Listen intently, minus looking around to be sure your kids haven’t run off. All moms know we have to do that!
Just be sure that when you are listening that you aren’t also trying to craft your response in your head. This is not truly listening.
ASK GOOD QUESTIONS
When you ask a question make sure they are good questions; meaning that you really want to know the information. Don’t be fake about it. Make it like you are interviewing this mom to be a part of your Mom Tribe. If she is looking for mom friends too she will appreciate the questions you ask.
Start the conversation with a compliment about her or her children. Then try a few basic surface level questions like “How many kids do you have?”, “Do you work?”
Be sure if you are asked a question that you answer it, but be careful of being too long winded. You want to provide enough information so that if the other mom can relate to you that she can also add to the conversation.
If you are telling a story, be aware if you are losing her and try to end it quickly with a question that asks something about her.
You can download this FREE PDF of 15 Conversation Starters for New Mom Friends if you need some help coming up with good ideas.
Using any of those conversation starters will lead the conversation down the path to more topics and before you know it you want to get back together again because there is so much you still want to learn from and about each other.
MAKE A PLAN TO MEETUP AGAIN
Make a plan to continue to grow this new friendship and meet up again. If you aren’t comfortable exchanging personal contact information just yet, set a date and location to meet up again.
If you want to continue to build a relationship with this mom it is critical to setup another day and time to meet. Otherwise, life happens and you get busy and the friendship never has a chance to form.
You Win Some & You Lose Some
The most important thing to remember after you have done all of the above steps is to be humble and patient. There may be some moms you meet that don’t show up to the next playdate you talked about doing or that doesn’t ever call, text or find you on FB.
Don’t take it personal because you don’t want women in your Mom Tribe just for the sake of saying you have a Mom Tribe. You want just the right moms that you will connect with on a deep level. You must be able to trust these women with your life because they hold your life in their hands as your support group.